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Thursday, November 18, 2010

On trust..

I am hearing this word twirling in my head a-lot. Trust is something that I guess we are born with right? We trust that our parents will feed us and that they will love us. We trust that they provide a home for us. We trust that the little things will be there tomorrow.
I lost trust at a very early age. I guess I didn't really lose it as much as it was taken from me.
Many things happened that were not in my control. It changed me in many ways. This last year I lost my long time best friend she betrayed my trust . My heart forgives her but I can not forget what she did ever. I struggle with trust. I struggle with taking chances with people . I get scared and I back away. So, I am working on taking chances right because I don't want my heart to turn into a rock..I do want not believe in the power of love. So I am forcing myself to take a chances. I am choosing to trust in those I love. Trust that even if crappy things happened a really long time ago that I have the power to let go of them. I know you cant let just let go and poof its gone. Hurt comes when you least expect it and kicks you in the butt. I let it kick me I feel the yuckiness and let myself sit with it and then I say OK I know I feel this way right now and I recognize how I am feeling but now I need to move on and start letting the hurt go. Its been working for me. I am trying to move forward in this healing process, trust . I don't want to get stuck. I want to grow and it seems that with trust and love we need to take chances with our heart and that's can be scary..but there's no way around it.

2 comments:

Christina said...

always moving forward.. you can do it. You are a lovely person and a sweetheart =)
xo

Kolleen said...

i don't think there is any way around it.

we have to take those risks to breathe in the rewards.

it is understandable when you are hurt badly and betrayed to struggle with trusting and having faith in others....but somehow, someway you have to keep working towards it and not project onto others what ONE person did. Easier said than done sometimes!!

you are a beautiful soul who i adore.

oxoxoxox
loving you, trusting you, believing in you
k